Homemade gifts- part 8 -Dammit Dolls

What is a Dammit Doll? It's a doll used to relieve stress and frustration. They come in handy when you want to throw a fit. You can hit it, whack it, or throw it till you feel a little better. 

My sister made 10 of these for each person in the family. She personalized each doll to be a character we hate. They were made in a shape for optimal whacking, long legs and no arms. She did a great job making the dolls, but the poems my brother in law wrote to match each doll made them a hit. 

Here is mine: The Perfect Mother

The perfect Mormon mother;

She makes you throw a fit.

Always says words like “bless you,”

And never says “oh shit!”

She bakes for the whole neighborhood

And quilts for the third world.

She sews her children clothing.

Her hair is always curled.

Her minivan is spotless;

It never is a mess.

And after seven children,

Still fits her wedding dress.

She does her genealogy;

Goes jogging every day.

The leader of the book club,

And runs the PTA.

You now you’ll never match her.

Ain’t life just a bitch?

And when you think about her,

You turn into a witch.

Grab Molly Mormon by the legs

And find a place to slam it.

And as you whack the stuffing out

Yell, “Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!”

My husbands: Nancy

There’s not a politician

That doesn’t drive you nuts.

They walk around with high heads,

What a bunch of butts.

With our economic woes

And debt that has no end,

What better way to fix it all

Than spend and spend and spend?

We cannot drill our own oil;

The Saudi’s are our friends.

Terrorist trials in New York

The madness never ends.

Now that we can ask and tell

And no child’s left ahead;

Our poor constitution’s

Left hanging by a thread.

Of socialism you’ve had enough;

You want to scream and shout.

Here is a Pelosi doll

You cannot do without.

Just grasp your Nancy by the legs

And find a place to slam it.

And as you whack the stupid out

Yell, “Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!”

For my new sister in law: The BoBo doll

Your newly wedded bliss

Did not last on and on.

It would still be going,

If it weren’t for Jon.

He travels out of town

And doesn’t call for days.

“I forgot to check my cell phone.”

(Following his sister’s ways)

“What’s this he’s not at work?

You say he didn’t show?”

For a breath of nature,

To the mountains he did go.

You’re learning fast what it means

To be a Kidd outlaw.

Aunika and Renee do it,

You look at them with awe.

There are a few choice words,

That have helped them along.

Most of them have four letters;

You’ll learn them, just be strong.

So when your groom drives you nuts

You want to scream and shout

Here’s a little Bobo doll,

You cannot do without.

Grab Jonathan by the legs

And find a place to slam it.

And as you whack his stuffing out

Yell, “Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!”

For my older brother: A Lawyer

They all think that they’re so smart,

While they take all your money.

A bill for each five-minute-talk;

They probably think it’s funny.

Be it esquire, attorney, lawyer,

Or legal representative;

For all these stupid titles,

I have four-letter expletives.

When men like OJ walk free,

And Ayers who bombed our nation.

The lawyers should be put in the stalks,

And made a public demonstration.

If ever you retaliated,

You know where you’d end up.

So you just keep on paying them,

And learn to suck it up.

Just grasp your esquire by the legs

And find a place to slam it.

As you think how you’ve been robbed

Yell, “Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!”

My 15 year old brother got this one:

You spend your life as a young man

With two people that are old.

Renee and Gerald put together,

You’ve got Reginald.

Sometimes Reggie drives you crazy,

And you know more than they

Just like every teenager,

You want to get your way

They make you want to scream and shout.

They think they are so wise.

You wish that you could kick them out,

Or poke them in the eyes.

Just grasp your Reggie by the legs,

And find a place to slam it.

And as you whack the wisdom out

Yell, “Dammit, Dammit, Dammit!”

Sorry, My camera died Christmas night and I couldn't round them all back up for pictures. But you get the idea. 

I hope you not all sick of seeing our handmade Christmas, because I've got a few more things to share.